SURVIVAL Part 5: Job Loss Grief Symptoms

by Jim Davis (Print complete Job Loss Survival Guide)

Symptoms of Job-Loss Grief

These are quite similar to the symptoms of death-related grief. Some will be expressed in different ways, of course. For example, one problem that people sometimes have when a loved one dies is an inability to recall happy memories of the deceased. In the case of job loss the problem may be trouble recalling good memories of the job or career.
Family symptoms for job-loss grief may be considerably different from those for death-related grief, although there are some similarities. The two immediate tasks are the same, however. The family needs to be a primary support group and must adjust to the new situation by changing the way it operates.

Symptoms that are the same or similar:

A parent's diminished ability to parent. Parents who have lost their job often find it difficult to concentrate of the job of being a parent. They sometimes also may be afraid that their children, as well as other family members, view them as failures. This feeling can make it particularly difficult for parents to feel adequate as role models or authority figures.
Difficulties adjusting to new family roles and tasks. This can be a problem for other members of the family as well as the one who has suffered the job loss. For example, when Dad tries to take over some of the duties Mom has always performed, the kids and Mom may have as much trouble adjusting as Dad does.

Difficulties remembering the "good times." The tendency is to dwell on bad feelings toward the former employer and the negative aspects of the former job. The happy memories tend to get pushed back and ignored.

Increased family disputes. Stresses due to the new family structure, the changes in the family financial situation, and the emotional trauma of job loss often result in misunderstandings and arguments. Poor communication often results, which in turn can lead to further tensions.

"Scapegoating" and blaming others. It is often easier to blame others for our problems than to take responsibility for our lives. This can especially be the case when others are responsible for things that happen to us. The majority of job loss due to "down-sizing" has little if anything to do with individual job performance. Unfortunately, however, the feelings of frustration and helplessness over those things we have no control of tend to spill over into the areas where we do have some control. Finding fault and placing blame become a way of dealing with life in general rather than taking control and assuming responsibility for what we do with our lives.

Stress-related problems. Although stress can actually be helpful in carefully managed "doses", overwhelming stress often results in emotional or medical problems. Research shows that we become more susceptible to viruses, such as colds and flu, when we are under stress. Other physical problems, such as ulcers or high blood pressure, also often accompany prolonged stress. In addition, emotional problems such as depression can also result.

Symptoms that may be different:

Concerns and disputes about the financial future. Economic uncertainty is a natural outcome of job loss due to the loss of income. The family life-style often changes, sometimes drastically. This can result in concerns about the family's immediate future as well as long-term plans for the children's education or for retirement. These concerns, coupled with other stresses, often bring about family conflicts.

Concerns about having to move. This is often of greater concern to older children and adolescents than to their parents. If a move is necessary in order to get a new job, the children may feel that their lives are being uprooted unfairly. They may be unable to understand why the move is necessary, especially if they have been sheltered from the realities of the job loss.
Worries about what friends will think about unemployed status. Job loss is often accompanied by feelings of fear of how others will react. This fear may be enhanced by the reactions of former coworkers whose jobs were not affected. Many times those people will distance themselves from those who have lost their jobs because they simply don't know what to say or how to act. Unfortunately, this reaction is often perceived as rejection.

End of Part 5